I CARE

I couldn’t care less about “the slap heard round the world”, by a childish actor on national tv.

I couldn’t care less about Brittney Spiers choosing to not perform, or what Kim Kardashian dresses her children in.

I don’t care about Tom Brady’s personal life.

I really don’t care about Harry and Meghan’s dispute with the royal family and wouldn’t waste my money on his book.

I really care about the epidemic of mental health issues that are running rampant in our children and younger generation.  We have done a lousy job at teaching them to think and cope. We conveniently blame everything on the pandemic, yet this crisis was brewing well before then. 

Time to start placing the responsibility where it belongs-on us. We have convinced them that they are so special that their mere existence entitles them to a Iifetime of happiness and  comfort.  My children are special. My grandchildren are REALLY special! However, their “specialness” stops with God, family, and loved ones. To the rest of the world they are just one of a billion little creatures. Unfortunately, there are a lot of parents out there convincing their children that their very existence is a gift to the world.

Our society has taught this generation that if you aren’t number 1`you are a loser.   So, what have we done? We have convinced generations of children that they are all winners in every aspect of their lives.

Everyone gets a trophy!

Scores will not be kept!

We will have no valedictorians!

Everyone will walk at graduation!

In an effort to create children who feel good about themselves, we have created children who cannot develop a true sense of self-worth.  We have created a generation that doesn’t know how to handle failure.False praise does not help a child’s sense of self, rather it dooms them to failure and depression. A good sense of self-worth is developed when a child realizes that he or she can’t be good at everything and accepts both his or her own strengths and weaknesses.

Too often, we as parents try to shield our children from suffering. We continually try to create a life in which everything is orderly and secure, a place where we can all run around without a care in the world. We do our children an injustice when we do not prepare them for life, and that includes suffering and deprivation.  Do not shelter them from the smaller disappointments in life. Do not hide from them the fact that you cannot afford to dress them in the popular apparel worn by their peers, or that the two-week trip to Disney World is not financially feasible. I know that we want our children to be comfortable and to be happy but when we shield them from reality we fail.  If we shield them from suffering, pain and injustice they will never learn to be grateful for what they have.  When you are never grateful for what you have or who you are, you will never feel peace.

Our children live in a world that glorifies stuff (wonder where they got that).  Children have been raised to care more about what feels good than to do what is right.  They judge themselves and others on what they wear, drive, and look like.  That is a breeding ground for bullying, school violence and hate.

So, our children and teens have been set up to feel inadequate.  They have been given expectations that can never be met.  There will always be someone smarter, better looking, wealthier, funnier and more successful than they are. They judge themselves by the opinion of others and come out without a sense of self and no ability to cope. They are set up for a lifetime of anxiety and depression. 

With all that facing them and lacking coping skills, who wouldn’t be anxious and depressed? So how to effectively combat the increase in suicide, depression and anxiety?  It is not just availability of mental health services.  It must be a grass roots effort that starts in the home to examine what is really important for our children.

-Create a stable environment ie watch out for social media which is a platform for depression, bullying and lies.  There is a direct correlation between the rise of social media and the increase in mental health issues in our children.  If adults blindly believe the lies on the internet and use social media to compare themselves to others, what chance do our children have?

-Teach them that doing their best is the goal-not being the best.  One can be achieved, the other is futile and leads to a life of regret.  Learning how to accept their limitations and recognize their strengths is a key to mental health. 

-Practice gratitude. Gratitude not only improves your physical and mental well-being; it may also improve your relationships. Gratitude plays a key role in forming relationships, as well as in strengthening existing ones.  Don’t be afraid to expose your children to sadness. How many parents talk about how blessed they are or do your children hear more anger and complaints about what they don’t have?

– Talk to them about God.  Open your mind to the possibility that believing in God is a wonderful parenting tool. When you teach children about a loving God, they learn that they are wonderful, unique human beings worthy of love and respect. You are teaching them that there is something more important in this universe than themselves.  Imagine a child being raised with a sense of appreciation and wonder, rather than a sense of entitlement.  When you pray together, you teach the value of the greater good and foster the uniqueness and worth of the individual. Focus on the growth of the soul rather than the growth of stuff.

The scary thing is that our children’s mental health can’t just be blamed on the pandemic or social media.  That’s a cop out.  The simple fact is that children are frequently a product of their environment. They will reflect our values and our beliefs. If they aren’t exposed to gratitude, they don’t learn it.  If they aren’t taught about our shared responsibility to the world, they will never care about our environment or the welfare of the most vulnerable.  If they are shielded from the history of mankind’s violence, they will repeat the Inquisition, the Holocaust, slavery, prejudice, and the wars that are a horrific part of our history (and daily lives).  If you don’t expose them to God, a Higher Power, or the concept that there is something greater than they are, they will assume that position.  It is up to us as parents (and grandparents) to teach them how to be able to cope and feel hopeful about their lives.  

I happened to be parked in a small strip mall of gourmet shops. On the entrance corner was a community refrigerator.  It had a sign that read “Take what you need, leave what you can”.  I watched as a person on a mobility scooter picked out a few cans. Another on a bicycle, a marine corps vet, looked through the food that was left on that Sunday afternoon and took out just what he needed for his evening meal.  That is a paradox that is the American story.  In the middle of wealth, people struggle to survive yet some of the poorest are more willing to share than the wealthiest.  Our children need to be exposed to real life rather than the fairy tale that we wish they could live in.  That is when their mental health will improve!