HAPPY SPECIAL NEEDS MOTHERS DAY

I thought I was pretty well informed about motherhood. I am married to the mother of our three children and saw the incredible amount of work and love that went into them. I tried to be the best partner that I could be, but did pride myself on usually avoiding all the bodily fluids (and solids) that the little creatures are expert at producing. Then my two sons got married and had children. I watched as their wives become mothers who are fiercely dedicated to their children. Their lives are a whirlwind of school, play practice, swimming and multiple other kids activities.   I am proud and grateful that Paula and Alice are mothers of 5 of my grandchildren.

Then, just over a year ago, our daughter, Maria, gave birth to a special needs child. Benjamin is a beautiful blessing whose infectious smile and laugh will light up a room. He is also a child who has two bellybuttons (one for a feeding tube), been hospitalized four times and had three surgeries. He will require medical observation/intervention throughout his life. He is also blessed with a mother (and father) who changed their expectations of parenting to match the needs of my grandchild.

So, this Mothers Day, I want to pay a special tribute to Maria and all mothers of special needs children. They share a lot in common, from initial feelings of guilt and sadness to embracing a new “normal”. A normal that now consists of specialists, occupational therapists, daily patterning with feedings and medications administered every three hours.

Maria, and thousands like her, put their dreams on hold to give their child the opportunity to achieve their potential. They cannot bring their child into “normal” situations such as daycare at the Y, or plan a night out, because childcare does not make allowance for special needs kids. They have to worry about other toddlers yanking on their feeding tube or inadvertently hurting them, so they can’t take advantage of social interactions that other mothers and children use. They choose clothes to accommodate the feeding tube rather than focus on the cuteness factor. They struggle with pushing their child to reach their abilities and not contribute to their disability. They worry about finances as incomes shrink and co-pays increase. They celebrate milestones that are foreign to normal needs children, such as when Maria cried with relief when Ben put baby puffs into his mouth at ten months.  I fully realized the intensity of raising a special needs child when I overheard Maria talking about how blessed she was that Ben lived to his first birthday.

What troubles me is that our society is uncomfortable with everything that they don’t recognize as “normal”. If you think people get uncomfortable with a mother breastfeeding, you should see how they act when a tube gets plugged into a child’s stomach. I have never seen a card or gift that was intended for the mother of a special needs child. I see lots of “pet friendly” signs but never once a sign that states “special needs children welcome.”

The list goes on, but Benjamin has also brought great joy into their (and our) lives. A special needs child also brings special gifts. You take nothing for granted. Baby time and play takes precedence over mundane tasks. What is important in life becomes evident and appreciation of the now is reinforced. He is a reminder that every child is unique and valuable.

So, this Mothers Day, I want to extend a special THANK YOU to all of the mothers of special needs children. I don’t know why God chose my daughter or you to parent a special needs child. Obviously, He knows who they need.

“Until you have a kid with special needs you have no idea of the depth of your strength, tenacity and resourcefulness.”…anonymous

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY